


Skin on skin, accidently

by devs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Complete, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sensory Deprivation, Slow Burn, or friends to losers, wolfstar, you can decide on your own
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:00:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29784066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devs/pseuds/devs
Summary: Others touch on regular basis: they hold hands, hug, press into each other on the sofa. Remus didn't; not until someone noticed how he holds his breath when their fingers collide.Or: lessons on touching for werewolves.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 31





	Skin on skin, accidently

It was surprisingly hot, September night. Remus loved it: windows wide open, distant smell of smoke from gatekeeper's fires, butterbeer waiting to be drunk. It was well after full but in the same time - days before another one. They arrived back to Hogwart's two weeks ago – smell of dust after two months without residents in the dormitory vanished already; there was their own mix of fragrances instead. He didn't lose excitement yet, feeling he carried inside every autumn.

Remus was alone in their dormitory; James and Peter were playing exploding snap in the common room, and Sirius - well, he wasn't sure where Sirius were. It didn't matter. All four of them will meet here in the end, anyway.

He checked his robe's pockets, looking for a pack of cigarettes. It was a little risky, carrying them around the castle, but Remus couldn't be bothered less. He sat on the windowsill and took out a fag. The door opened.

‘Moony, for Merlin's sake, why are you sitting here in the dark all alone’ Sirius asked. He tried to turn on the light, but Remus stopped him with a wave of hand. Sirius just chuckled and quietly closed the door, then navigated in the dark - cigarette glow was like a firefly to follow - and sat next to Remus.

‘Give me some’ Sirius asked. Remus handed him a fag; as they fingers touched, he moved away.

‘Yeah, that's what I'm talking about’ Sirius said, as if they were in the middle of a conversation.

‘What?’

‘You're the only person who can't stand a touch’ Sirius explained, taking a deep breath and letting out cloud of smoke. ‘Ever noticed, how we seat here? Two private school boys, 11 inch of space for dignity left between us.’

‘We are private school boys, Sirius.’

‘Not the point. And the point is, you need to focus Moons, that you don't let anyone touch you.’

Remus got back the fag - only slightly brushing Sirius's fingers - and took a long drag. The problem was, he thought, that Sirius was only half-right. Not that he was insane enough to explain it to him.

‘Why do you care?’ Remus asked instead.

Sirius just shrugged. He came down from the windowsill and with wandless _Lumos_ he reached for two bottles of a butterbeer from his night stand. He opened them both and gave one to Remus.

‘I don't’ Sirius said, smiling. He came closer, stood between other boy's parted thighs, and took a sip from his bottle. Remus shuddered and fought the urge to move away. He shouldn't let himself be dragged into Sirius's stupid games.

‘Tell me’ Sirius continued, pressing one hip into him, looking him in the eyes, ‘why are you holding your breath right now?’

‘I'm not- Okay, you know what? If you think I'm not fluent in the great art of casual slash intentional touching, you can teach me yourself’ Remus said without a second thought.

The good thing was, Sirius lost his tongue. The bad thing - that Remus didn't. He stood up and pushed Sirius gently, trying to move him away. Not that it worked; Sirius tried to stop him in place, but the other boy just shove him with more force.

Door opened and James with Peter got in. James turned on the light and just then saw them both - two feet apart now - looking at each other stubbornly.

‘Are we interrupting?’ Peter asked with a smirk on his face. However, he made no move to leave, just went straight to his trunk and pulled out a bottle. As James chuckled and took off his shirt - it smelled from the evening workout, Remus could feel it even from a few feet away - Sirius walked over and hugged him from behind, chin resting on his shoulder.

‘Jamie, love, do you want to misbehave tonight?’ Sirius asked. James scowled, but didn’t move away. ‘You can’t just call me love, even if we’re both British’ he said. Sirius let him go, stepped back and with a hand pressed to his chest groaned.

‘How dare you, you man o’ little faith! I put all my feelings, all my dearest, darkest prayers in that simple word and-‘

‘Don’t be a clown.’ Peter interrupted, dragging the syllables. He handed a bottle of butter beer to James. The other boy took a sip and gave it back, heading to the bathroom. ‘Anyway, are we doing any pranks tonight? What about the Great Kitchen Ado? Our first one needs to be big.’

‘It’s getting late...’ Remus tried, but Sirius hushed him.

‘Well, that’s what this is about, isn’t it? Tomorrow’s Saturday, I bet everyone already dream about their festive puddings’ Sirius said and walked to the bathroom door. ‘Kitchen Ado?!’

‘Kitchen Ado!’ James yelled back. Remus had nothing to say, outnumbered again. Let it be, then. He finished his beer in one long sip – causing little applause from Sirius – and put the bottle down next to his bed.

Few minutes later, James got out of the bathroom with wide smile. He opened the map, checked corridors and nodded. Because he was no less drama queen than Sirius, he said solemnly: ‘Misters, let’s go and make something fun.’

*******

They made it to the kitchen without trouble, thanks to Remus’s reflex, which saved them from being caught by a Rawenclaw’s prefect. The door was closed.

‘Now what?’ Sirius asked.

‘Now that’ Peter replied. He moved closer to the door and whispered ‘Chocolate frog.’ The door opened.

‘How do you know the password?’ Remus asked, as they went inside the dark corridor.

‘It’s the same since we moved in. I bet house elves just don’t bother. Also, if this mean I’m the only one who made a late night escapades for sweets, you guys lost something big and wonderful.’

‘Yeah, right, but if it is so easy why didn’t anyone put a prank on elves already?’ James asked with a hint of terror behind his voice.

‘They were scared’ Peter replied lightly, ignored silence that felt after that, and lead them into the serving room. He lit the candles and looked into the cabinets for ingredients.

It was first time Remus was ever here. The place looked amazing. Shelves were almost reaching the ceiling. They were filled with different pots full of vegetables and fruits, jars with noodles and spices stored neatly in labelled boxes. Next to the door, there was a huge fridge, packed with meat. The smell mixed with sweetness of dozen of cakes that were sitting on the table already, waiting to be served next day in the morning. Floor looked so clean, that he felt guilty standing on it in his dirty boots.

Remus suddenly realized that the others didn’t share this experience; it was again thanks to his sharpened senses. Even with candlelight, room was dark. Smells were too weak. Neither sane witch nor wizard could tell if the floor was clean at all.

Peter found the right cabinet and he was now getting out all the plates with pudding inside. James stood beside him, murmuring confirmations.

‘Bit overwhelmed, aren’t you?’ Sirius asked quietly, as he moved to stand next to Remus. He reached, rather clumsy, and placed a hand between Remus’s shoulder blades. ‘Focus on that’ Sirius said and pressed gently.

Remus felt like if he jumped into a lake during a moonless night. All of his senses focused on the warm feeling on his back, smells of loads of food forgotten. He took a sharp breath, almost hissed, but others didn’t notice.

‘Thank you for the contribution, Sirius, but I’m more than capable of handling myself’ he said under his breath and moved away. ‘Better hurry, we don’t have the whole night’ he said louder and proceeds to the kitchen table, where puddings stood.

They worked almost in silence. They casted a spell after the spell, whatever came to their mind. One pudding gained ability to make the eater glow, the other was about to turn into mud, another one was hexed to crawl away from fork.

It was finished in half an hour. They walked back to the tower and into their dormitory, suddenly light-hearted, giggling. James and Peter went straight away to their beds. Sirius sat on his, watching lazily as Remus prepared himself to sleep. He cleaned the bedding, put away all the parchments and books, drank cold tea and put on the warm, orange socks.

‘Okay’ Sirius said just when Remus was about to close curtains.

‘Okay what?’ Remus asked.

‘I'll teach you how to touch.’

*******

Next morning, Remus was awake by brush of fingers on his cheek. He opened eyes in horror, and jerked away in the same second he realised it was Sirius.

‘Fuck, damn’ Remus said.

‘Well hello to you too, Moons’ Sirius replied. ‘You're much friendlier in a wolf form, you know that?’

‘That's because whenever he growls, your silly dog acts like a puppy, showing belly and wagging tail. One is more powerful than the other, it's only natural.’

Sirius should be offended, probably. He only smiled and shook his head.

‘Anyway, breakfast will be served any minute now. We don’t want to miss it’ Sirius said. Remus remembered last night and kind of childish excitement flared in his stomach. He got out of the bed – Sirius moving away politely – and rushed to the bathroom to clean his teeth and get dressed. He was already alone in the room, when he was finished. Cursing more, he almost run to the Great Hall. Only by the door he stopped, cached his breathe and entered, trying to look innocent.

It was a mess. Half the students were struggling with their puddings, while other half almost cried from laughter. Dumbledore and McGonagall were already trying to help with some worse cases. Poor Zabini was vomiting with slugs.

Remus found the others and sat in the empty place next to Sirius. James shoved a plate with the pudding towards him, saying ‘It’s only fair, if we ate them too. It won’t be suspicious this way.’ They grinned.

‘It’s splendid’ Remus said and put a big bite into his mouth. His hair changed colour into pure silver. Peter and James were already fighting with runaway puddings. Sirius fingertips started to glow.

‘Don’t stare’ Sirius said. Remus blinked and opened his mouth to argue, but Dumbledore came to their table and grunted. There was little sparks in his eyes.

‘Gentleman, excuse me, but is there any possibility you four know anything about this? House elves swear they found a Gryffindor prefect badge on the kitchen floor this morning’ he said.

‘Shit’ Remus replied. ‘I mean, I think I lost mine a week ago? Sir?’

Peter tried to stood up and run away with dignity, but James grabbed him by the shoulder and kept in place.

‘I think house elves will be delighted if someone will clean the kitchen after breakfast’ Dumbledore suggested.

‘But sir, they love to clean things, I bet they would be rather offended-‘ Sirius tried, but headmaster hushed him with a wave of hand.

‘It’s settled then’ he said and winked. When he walked away, James groaned. ‘Sorry, boys, but I got quidditch practise in an hour. I physically can’t be in both places at once. Can we trade?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, can we trade?’ Peter replied. His pudding was sitting on his lap like a big, fat cat. It wiggled a little.

‘Sure, you two will do our history of magic assignments and kitchen is cleaned’ Sirius said cheerfully. He put a glowing fingers on Remus’s thigh. ‘We can handle some ordinary households, don’t we?’

‘I don’t want Peter to write mine’ Remus said without a thought. Peter tried to look offended, but failed.

Remus couldn’t tell why did he even agreed on this bargain in the first place. Sirius’s fingers were burning holes through his robes. It couldn’t end well, he thought.

*******

Kitchen was empty again. There was like a tone of dirty dishes, but Sirius didn’t seemed to mind. He tucked up his sleeves and opened water in the biggest sink. Remus just sighed and followed.

They worked in awkward silence for a while, cleaning one plate after another. Something was building up in Remus’s stomach. He was close to admit that he not only hated touching; he hated standing too close to Sirius as well.

‘So, tell me, what’s it about with you?’ Sirius asked suddenly. Remus almost dropped the bowl he was rinsing.

‘Pardon?’

‘Last night you looked like someone with a knife pressed to your throat when I touched you. Is it some werewolf thing, like when you can’t stand too many smells and noises?’

‘How do you know?’

‘Obvious. You almost ran away every time James comes back from training, you hate it when Peter uses his cheap perfume and you definitely tried to replace school’s set of cosmetics last year, when McGonagall made it to smell like cinnamon and apples. When the four of us argue, you just close your eyes and press a finger to the top of your nose’ Sirius said. He looked very proud of himself.

‘It means nothing. Stop prying’ Remus tried. Sirius raised his hand – it was still glowing, now with soap bubbles on it, looking like a thing from fairy tale – and slowly pressed it to Remus’s neck. He moved the finger lower, leaving foam on his collar.

‘And you barely can stand a touch. Tell me’ he teased again. Remus was fighting the urge to push him away. Almost a habit, now.

Therefore, he told him. About years spend in a closed room, the only scent his own; familiar and hated at the same time. About how smells change when he’s in a wolf form – that is, when he can enjoy them in a way not possible to human. How they tell him stories. He told Sirius about everything he can made – even in human form – of all the sweat others carry with themselves the whole day. How he can tell if any of them jerked under the shower, even with delicate layer of soap fragrance around them.

He told him about how overwhelming it was first few weeks at Hogwarts and how now it is more of a comfort. Wooden furniture, dust in the library, sweetness of cakes every Sunday, scent of their used clothes mixed on the dormitory floor.

‘It’s similar with touching, I suppose. I learned to meditate some of the sensation away, if necessary. But it’s not perfect’ he said in the end.

‘Are you meditating right now?’ Sirius asked.

‘What?’

Sirius just raised his eyebrows and petted him. He never took away his hand; it was still resting on the Remus’s neck.

Remus just stepped away, gently and without a word. ‘Let’s finish this’ he said and took another dirty plate.

He didn’t tell him how furious it made him, when Sirius came back after one night smelling like a girl.

*******

It became a habit, matter of fact. Sirius would just casually place his hand on Remus’s back or sit a little closer than before. They fingers brushed more often. Sometimes he even gave him lectures about others: like when James tried to finally put his arm around Lily’s waist – and why the efforts lasted for two weeks before they finally managed to do so without bursting into giggles.

Others didn’t seem to notice; to think of that, it was perfectly normal. They were friends, after all. If friends didn’t hold their breath when their thighs brushed under the table at the Great Hall during breakfast, well, Remus only had to work harder on that.

September passed.

It was first weekend of October and all the students were excited to visit Hogsmeade. Remus wanted to stay in the castle and catch up with his potions homework. Sirius – ignoring pleading from James – offered to help.

When the other two left, Remus took out his books and started to read. Sirius wandered around a little, drank tea, played some music on his gramophone and ate leftover from breakfast. He was into something.

‘Moons’ he said finally, ‘I got something for you.’

‘What?’ Remus asked, as he rewrote a line in the essay. He didn’t paid much attention when Sirius stood above him.

‘A present’ he said. Oh. Remus looked up. It wasn’t even remotely close to his birthday or Christmas, and he hated the thought of Sirius suddenly having an urge to buy him new robes. He sighed. Sirius hold out his hand and waited.

‘Fine, fine’ Remus said and stood up, ignoring the hand. They are not going to start holding hands, now. Things have limits.

‘Let’s go’ Sirius said and lead him outside the dormitory room, outside the common room and into the castle corridors. They were almost empty – all students above third year were out already. They walked - Remus lost in his thoughts - and after some time Sirius made him stop.

‘Strawberry bubbles’ he said. It was a password to the Prefect’s Bathroom, Remus realized.

‘Wait’ he said, ‘I’m not going inside until you tell me what this surprise of yours is. If there is some siren or grindylow in the bath, I’m going to murder you, I swear.’

‘Worry not. It will be nice, I promise’ Sirius said. He didn’t looked so sure, on the other hand. Remus walked in, but mostly because he was already embarrassed about two of them standing in front of the bathroom. Better not to strain their luck. Any moment they could meet someone with too much curiosity and not enough discretion.

‘Okay. Now you need to undress for me’ Sirius said. Remus did nothing.

‘Explanation’ he said, arms crossed at his chest.

‘I think it would work better if you won’t put much thought into the process’ Sirius tried. He started to cast spells, one that dimed all the lights and then another to raise a temperature a little, and another – to start water running. Remus couldn’t smell any of the usuals – which was strange, beacuse in Prefect’s Bathroom almost all taps had different water colours and scents. He hated it.

Now, there was no smell. Remus sniffed and tried to locate Sirius, but it seemed like the other boy blocked his fragrance with another spell.

‘It’s nice, isn’t it?’ Sirius asked quietly. He found Remus, their hands colliding, and then started to slowly unbutton his robes. ‘I did my reading. Have you ever heard about sensory deprivation? It’s reduction on stimuli from the senses. You can of course limit your eyesight with blindfold, but I wanted to go deeper. I cut off the smell, thermoception and touch as well. I mean, after I finish with your clothes, that is.’

Remus blinked in the dark. He felt warm fingers opening his shirt, pulling it down and the brushing his belly – trying to find the belt.

‘I- I’ll do it myself’ he said. Fingers were gone. He did it quickly, trying not to think about being naked and close to other human being, and carefully navigated to the border of the pool. He stepped inside. Water was the perfect temperature to his body, so it felt more like walking into dense fog. Like falling asleep. He plunged into the water, liquid gently pushing him up to the surface.

‘Is it good?’ Sirius asked nervously.

Remus smiled in the dark. There was nothing more than the sound of their breaths. His mind couldn’t find anything to catch on. It was almost perfect.

After ten minutes – even though Remus could swear it was ages - he heard clothes falling to the floor and water splashing in the distance.

‘Please, tell me you’re okay, otherwise I’ll get the worst panic attack ever. I didn’t want to break you’ Sirius said. He moved closer, bumping into Remus’s arm. Sirius placed a hand at his chest, checking the heartbeat.

‘Still here’ Remus sighed. ‘But I highly recommend for you to move away’ he added, something strange in his voice.

Sirius did not.

‘Sirius’ Remus warned again. The spell that blocked other boy’s scent was slowly fading away. ‘Sirius, I’m not broke, but you will definitely be any minute now. Please, move away.’

With ‘away’ he felt warm lips pressed to his own. Anger sparked inside him.

‘If this is another lesson on touching, I’m not taking it’ he hissed and shoved Sirius away. He started to swim to the border of the pool, but a hand catch his wrist – how Sirius navigated in the dark so well, anyway? – and pulled him closer again.

‘It’s not. I’m not, sorry, I just thought you wanted to-‘ Sirius said and stopped.

‘Was this all about trying to fuck me? Was this a bet? Because it didn’t work, I’m not letting you play this any longer’ Remus growled. He wanted to free himself, but lost the contact with the floor and pushed Sirius, falling forward and into him, crushing both of them into the pool’s wall. Sirius used this sudden chaos to grab him by the waist and press them together.

‘Easy, easy. It’s not a bet, for Merlin’s sake, stay calm’ Sirius said. They were both half hard and almost full skin on skin. Sirius lead Remus’s hand to his chest and lower. ‘Look, it’s just me, stupid puppy showing belly to the wolf’ he said under his breath. Remus waited for some silly comment to follow, but there was none. He moved his hand a little bit lower, fingers touching Sirius’s cock.

‘Yeah, like that’ Sirius half-moaned, moving his hips toward him.

There were thousands of reasons why he should walk away now, Remus knew that.

It would be hard to fight the urge, sure, but he could ignore the fire inside and even pretend it never happened. He tried to reason himself; he thought about the days after and how it will hurt when Sirius’ll eventually find another challenge. It will be hell, but hell was something Remus was familiar with, after all. He will just need to persuade Sirius once again that he hates it when their fingers touch. And Remus was excellent at pretending.

They kissed again, almost accidently. Even if it felt a little like a goodbye, Remus loved that feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated, thank you!


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